Kiss of Good-bye
by flashpenguin
Summary: After being ambushed by Simmons, Reese and Carter finally realize that their lives had been intertwined since Fallujah. As they look on past regrets, they prepare to say the word that no one ever wants to hear. Fourth in the "Kiss of Fate" series.


_I know you are going to hate me for writing this, but there was no other way to present the story. Eight times I started it, but nothing worked. Even while I slept (if I can call it that) tried to arrange a way for the pieces to come together and not make it seem so harsh. Finally, I just put my fingers on the keys and let the characters speak. And what came out was the ending to "The Crossing" but with a totally different premise. I let Reese and Joss speak from the heart. I hope you like what they had to say._

* * *

**Kiss of Good-bye**

_The echo of the gunshots rung in his ears. He could feel the hard concrete beneath him as it broke his fall. Stunned and dazed, he blinked and tried to remember what the hell just happened. He heard Simmons' shout before the bullets hit him hard enough to knock him off his feet._

_Touching his side, he felt the blood. It was warm and flowing. That was a good sign. It meant that he was still alive. But what about Joss? He had to find Joss._

"_Joss! Joss!" he called out, but his voice was raspy from pain. He waited for a response, but it didn't come. Where was she?_

_He wiped his eyes clear of the sweat that was blinding him and pulled himself up. With every bit of strength he had, he dragged himself over to where the woman he loved lay. _

_Taking her in his arms, he held her tight. He could hear the struggle as she desperately tried to catch her breath. A quick look down, he saw the gunshot wound to her abdomen. It wasn't good, but he had seen worse in Fallujah. He knew she was going to make it. At least, that is what he hoped. As he looked into her big brown eyes filled with fear, he tried to think of something to say to assuage her fears – and his. But there was something nagging in the back of his mind. There was something familiar about her look._

_Then it hit him. She had been the woman he had kissed at the wedding reception. He had been taken in by her lost look and her slightly intoxicated attitude, and he had let his walls down. He had let her inside and seen a part of him that not even Jessica knew about. He had opened his heart and, against his better judgment, danced – only to step on her foot. And somewhere in it all, he had stolen a kiss. The kiss that had protected him while he walked in the dark, and had warmed him while he hid for his life in the cold mountains of Asia. Her kiss had been the reason he had made it back home. He thought it had been his promise to Jessica to come for her, but now he knew the truth. But it was too late._

_Brushing the tears and blood from her face, he tried to make her comfortable. His ears desperately listened for the ambulance siren, but the air was silent. Where was the help? Where were the cops? Holding her close, he tried to will what little strength he had, to her._

"_It's going to be alright," he promised._

"_You – you promised that before," Joss whispered as the memory flashed before her eyes. He had been the soldier who had brought her back to life when hope seemed to be no where in sight. Oh, it was funny – in an ironic way – how life came full circle. "In Fallujah."_

"_I know. You're going to pull through, Joss. I promise." And he meant it with all of his heart. If the ambulance would just hurry, he thought to himself. There was a chance._

"_I need to see my son. I need to tell him..."_

"_You will, Joss."_

_She struggled to move out of his arms, but her body wouldn't cooperate. "No. No, I have to see him."_

"_It's okay," Reese comforted. "It's okay."_

"_John, I..." She tried to find the words to describe what was in her heart. She had loved him for so long without knowing. But maybe, deep in her soul, she had known it was him. She wanted to tell him how he had been the man who had haunted her dreams at night and stayed with her during the days._

_Reese pressed his finger to her lips. "Shhh... It's okay, Joss. I understand."_

"_No. It was you. Always you."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_The man who saved me," she gasped. "You saved me."_

"_Joss..." He didn't want to go down that road. He wasn't going to say good-bye. He was going to hold on to hope._

_Joss reached up and touched her fingers to Reese's cheek. She needed to feel him once more before she left him behind. She sighed._

"_I didn't know it was you." She smiled. So soft and sweet. Her smile enveloped him in a protective cocoon. "It's always been you."_

"_And it's always been you," Reese replied, his voice hoarse from unshed tears. If only he had known his path was going to cross with hers so many years later, maybe he would have taken better care of himself. Maybe he would have tried a little harder to make things right in his life. Maybe he would have broken away from the CIA a little sooner._

_Joss looked into her protector's blue eyes. She saw the love shining in his eyes – love he had for her. Oh, what she would give to for a do-over. All that wasted time she spent chasing him and trying to take him down. If only she had known their paths were going to cross...oh, the things she would have done differently. Maybe she wouldn't have been so hard on herself for failing at her marriage. Maybe she would have listened a little more closely to the voice inside her head. Maybe she wouldn't have jumped to conclusions about the bum sitting across from her. Maybe she would have been a little more understanding._

"_I'm sorry," she whispered. And she was sorry for not believing in him; sorry for betraying him; sorry for not giving him the benefit of the doubt; sorry for turning her back on him when they needed each other the most._

"_Don't be sorry, Joss. There is nothing to be sorry for."_

"_I-I sh-should have told you." It was getting harder to breathe._

"_I understand." He did. He never hated her for all the times she shut him out. He could never hate Joss – come what may – since she had given him a second chance at life and love._

"_Tell Taylor I love him. W-watch out for him."_

"_I will." Reese pulled her closer to him. He could feel her body begin to shake from cold and fear. He tried to let the warmth of his body fill her. If only she could hold on for another minute. He was sure help was on the way. He was sure there was a siren in the distance. They were saved!_

"_P-promise me."_

"_We're going to make it thru this, and you are going to tell him yourself. I hear the siren. Help is on the way."_

_Joss shook her head. She wanted to believe him, but something was wrong. Her ears perked up at the mention of a siren, but as she strained to hear, she realized it was a telephone ringing in the distance. All was lost. _

"_John..." A certain kind of peace she couldn't put her finger on was slowly enveloping her and beckoning her to follow. She was so tired and didn't want to fight anymore, so she let it take her hand._

_Reese saw the light slowly begin to dim from Joss' eyes. Holding her tighter, he said a prayer. _

"_Joss, don't go," he pleaded._

_With her last bit of energy, Joss reached up and stroked Reese's cheek. She would never ever forget him. She just wish she had told him that she loved him. _

"_I'll see you on the other side," she whispered so softly that Reese had to lean forward to hear her words. Then she closed her eyes. "I love you," slipped silently from her lips._

"_Joss. Joss," Reese called out. But she didn't respond. Letting out a cry of anguish, he pulled her to him and tried to will his life into her body. _

_Slowly it dawned on him that the sound he had been hearing wasn't a siren, but a telephone ringing. No one was coming to help them. They never were._

"_Joss, don't go," he whispered. "Don't leave me. I need you." He whispered the words against her still warm skin. He stroked her face, her hair. "I love you," he wept. His tears fell unashamedly from his eyes to drop on the woman he tried so hard to protect. But she never woke up. She was gone from his life. Forever._

_Pressing his lips to hers, he kissed her good-bye._

_Then he buried his face in her hair and wept until the no longer came._


End file.
